Web Links about Parenting with Grace Instead of Authoritarian Legalism

“Maternal Kiss” by Mary Cassatt, 1896

This post is part of my new series on Gender & Authority.  Most of these links to other web sites are not gender-based, but they all talk about raising children with grace and love instead of authoritarian legalism or emotional abuse.  Some of them also address the problems with the patriarchal (aka patriocentric or father-centered family) edge of the home schooling movement, as well as related marriage issues.  

So far, my other posts in the Gender & Authority series are:

My other related posts on this blog:

    The rest of these links are for other web sites that I have found helpful.  I do not endorse everything you may find on these sites or even in the linked posts.  I trust that you will read with your own discernment.  I recommend that if you plan to visit several of these sites that you open each one in a separate tab and then read them in turn.

    Recovering Grace – I can’t tell you how delighted I am to see this new web site!  I had wanted to address the legalism and subsequent emotional damage within Bill Gothard’s Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institutes organizations.  I have seen a lot written about it here and there on the web, but I knew it would take too much research and time for me to round all of it up!  Now I can just give you a link where “a Gothard generation shines light on the teachings of IBLP and ATI” and gives “personal testimonies of finding true freedom through God’s matchless grace.” As a personal note, Thad and I attending an IBYC conference (name changed later to IBLP) before we got married, and maybe once afterward.  We still have the big red book and some of the other resources around here, and though we never really attempted to implement them specifically, I think the concepts did influence our thinking. 

    Finding Healing from Disillusionment by Elizabeth Wyse Cook (guest post on http://www.quiveringdaughters.com) — life after working for Bill Gothard 

    Resolved2Worship  At age 19, she married a man (ten years older) who was raised in an authoritarian home that was heavily influenced by a legalistic organization which is not named on the blog but I suspect is Gothard’s ATI program.  It took many years for them to establish a healthy family life due to his parents’ interference.   Now with several children of their own, their testimony in the “Our Love Story” series is one of God’s grace and sovereignty through it all.  Besides that, her photos of her children and nature are absolutely gorgeous and fun.

    Two sites dedicated to addressing problems with the BabyWise and Growing Kids God’s Way resources by the Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I remember taking issue with this stuff about 15 years ago since it seemed so rigid.  In the case of young babies and feeding on schedule, the program came under fire from medical professionals for causing Failure to Thrive in infants.  There is a ton of info at these web sites…
    Tulip Girl also has a series on the serious problems in Michael and Debi Pearl’s To Train Up a Child and No Greater Joy resources.  

    • Tulip Girl’s Pearl/TTUOC Posts

    (As you may remember, it was a Pearl “discipline” related child death that caused me to write Child Discipline or Child Abuse? last year.)

    I Take Joy with Sally Clarkson

    ThatMom with Karen Campbell

    And an encouraging and balanced word from Mary Pride in 2009 as a follow up to her books The Way Home and All the Way Home:
    Patriarchy, Meet Matriarchy

    Please let me know which of these links and sites are most useful for you!  If any don’t work, please tell me that, too, so I can fix or delete them as necessary.

    If you have any links that you would like to consider adding to this post, please send them along.  And check back for updates!

    Virginia Knowles


    About virginiaknowles

    I am a mother and grandmother of a huge family, and I still home school my youngest daughter. I write to stay sane. My WordPress blog is a combination of my Blogspot blogs, and may not be continually updated.
    This entry was posted in Full Quiver, Gender ~ Authority, Marriage, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

    3 Responses to Web Links about Parenting with Grace Instead of Authoritarian Legalism

    1. Ginny says:

      thanks for these links!!!!

      i just started “Give Them Grace” by Elyse Fitpatrick. i'm LOVING it!!! i believe she blogs (or at least is on fb). but i've never checked her out online.

      tullian tchividjian blogs a lot of sweet grace-based lifestyle encouragement that i adore…http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tullian/

    2. I loved the 'Patriarchy, meet Matriarchy essay.

      It was a breath of freshness you discover your blogs together, and lord-willing I'll be able to poke around quite a bit more in days to come. These writings are speaking to my less-articulate hungers and fears living in a church environment that (while not abusive) is distinctly different in world-view/emphasis from me.

      It is wearying, and an exercise in maintaining sanity to tell myself the same things over and over again, so that the outside voices don't bury me by constant dripping.

      It seems to be a tricky balance both to acknowledge the hunger (internal *demand* really) to be distinct and active and hear the needs of our children and “role” at home.

      Peace to you.

    3. Thanks for your comment, Amy Jane! I know how the cognitive dissonance is of bring told things that just don't seem right and having to figure it out. It's quite a process, isn't it?

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