2. How did you respond to the comments or questions?
“What about your Christian witness? Broken marriages don’t glorify God. They damage kids. Can’t you try harder to make it work?”
My answer: Try harder? Been there, done that. It takes two to make it work. Abuse does not glorify God. Abuse breaks the marriage. Abuse damages the kids. The damage is done by the abuse, not by the separation. When there is abuse, pretending things are fine and staying together for the sake of the kids is plain stupid. I think a mom not protecting her own kids is the bad witness. I’m just trying to make the best of a bad situation and do the right thing now, no matter what it looks like. Life in the real world.
- Speak truth to yourself. Stop the denial. Don’t blame yourself.
- Don’t let it ruin your faith. God is not like your husband.
- Get help from a professional counselor who is trained & experienced about domestic violence. Pastors don’t always have a clue what to say or do and can make it worse. Be careful. BTW, the kids need counseling too. You can get funding if you can’t afford. Ask your local DV office, women’s shelter, or the counselor you want to go to.
- Surround yourself with supportive friends & family who will believe you and stand up for you. If you don’t find the support in one place, keep looking until you do.
- Make a safety plan so you can get out quickly when needed. Extra clothes, keys, money, copies of documents, & a place to go. Prepare your kids ahead of time so they know what to do. Be ready.
- Know your options. There are so many resources on-line or in the library or bookstore.
- Most of all, keep your family safe – that means you, too! Don’t be afraid to leave! You can do it! It’s not the end of the world.
You can now find the second interview here: Elizabeth’s Story: Domestic Violence in a Ministry Home (DV Interview #2)
- We Can’t Ignore Domestic Violence
- Bonding and Bondage in Abusive Relationships
- Psychological Socialism: Manipulating through Equalizing Blame
- Abuse Thrives in a Culture of Shame and Silence
In addition, I have created a Domestic Violence Resources page which not only has my article links from above, but also links to other sites, books, Central Florida centers, etc. You can find this page here: Domestic Violence Resources